- 6 Ways To Be The Best Girlfriend He’s Ever Had
- 1. Be Direct (Not Passive Aggressive)
- 2. Appreciate Him
- 3. Give Him Space When He Needs It
- 4. Maintain Your Own Life Outside of the Relationship
- 5. Take Care of Yourself
- 6. Smile!
- 6 Reasons Men Say No To Sex
- 1. He’s suffering from depression
- 2. His testosterone levels are low
- 3. He’s got trouble with the plumbing
- 4. He’s stressed out about his career
- 5. He’s exhausted
- 6. You’re moving too fast
- Bellaisa. Isla Bella Beach Resort
- Why Men Want Women To Cook For Them
- Now let’s talk about the controversial topic of what men and women want and why men want women to cook for them
- 15 Things Women Want From the Men in Their Lives
6 Ways To Be The Best Girlfriend He’s Ever Had
There is so much misinformation out there on what it takes to be a great girlfriend. It’s not about cooking his favorite food or wearing sexy lingerie or mastering some crazy sexual trick (not saying these things don’t help, but they don’t get to the heart of the matter!).
Understanding how men think and what they need in a relationship makes an enormous difference in the way you are able to relate to one another.
The top prerequisite for being in a great relationship is to be your best self. A trap that many people in relationships fall into is blaming their partner when problems arise. Rather than seeing what they can do to make things better, they blame him for not being what they want and think that if only he did XYZ, then everything would be fine.
It doesn’t work that way, though. You can’t ever make someone what you want them to be. All you can do is bring your best. When you do this, the other person will usually rise up and match you at this level.
Here are six ways to be the most amazing girlfriend ever
1. Be Direct (Not Passive Aggressive)
The majority of problems in a relationship occur because the woman expects a man to meet her needs, and then resents him when he doesn’t. She doesn’t ask for what she wants because he should just “know.
” She may drop hints to help him out and then become even more annoyed when he doesn’t pick up on them. The man, in turn, gets frustrated that nothing he does seems to be good enough.
Eventually he gets discouraged and stops trying and she feels even more resentful.
Neither side has bad intentions, the problem is they aren’t communicating properly and the reason is because men and women have very different styles of communication. Men do not pick up on nuances and subtleties in the same way women do, they need things spelled out in a clear and direct manner.
If you’re mad at him, don’t act passive aggressive until he asks what’s wrong (to which you may reply “nothing,” and he’ll take that to mean nothing is wrong and you will continue to simmer because he should freakin’ know it’s something!), just tell him what it is he did wrong. In relationships it’s not usually what you say, it’s how you say it.
If you tell a guy something he is doing that is upsetting or hurting you in a loving, compassionate way, I guarantee he will try to fix it.
If you come from a place of anger or resentment, he’ll shut down and will be less motivated to correct it. Freud is regarded as one of the most brilliant minds in psychology and even he had no idea what women want, so how do you expect the average guy to do it?
Most arguments in relationships stem from deeper underlying issues that never get discussed or resolved.
Maybe a woman feels her guy doesn’t really care about her, or isn’t committed to her because he isn’t as attentive as he was in the beginning of the relationship, and instead of being direct about it, she freaks out on him if he doesn’t call her back one night or doesn’t do the dishes after she slaved away cooking dinner for him. From there a big fight may ensue over something trivial while the real issue goes untouched. When you want something, or don’t want something, just tell him.
2. Appreciate Him
The H Hub
Most women don’t realize how starved men are for appreciation, I certainly had no idea until I started writing about relationships full-time. The problem is that we usually love others the way we to feel love.
Women typically feel loved when a man is being giving and attentive to her and her needs. In turn, many women will be extra giving to their man, and while this is very nice and appreciated, it’s not what men really crave.
What a man deeply desires is feeling acknowledged and appreciated for what he provides. He wants to feel his efforts were a success–this applies to everything he does from taking you out for a fancy dinner to taking out the trash.
If he takes you out on a nice date, acknowledge and appreciate him for it and tell him you had an amazing time. Men are typically more responsive to compliments about something they have done rather than who they are.
Women don’t usually realize this because women general compliments of the you’re so pretty/nice/fun/caring sort.
Telling a man he’s thoughtful doesn’t have the same impact as saying something he did or provided was thoughtful, such as: “Thank you for doing the dishes, that was so thoughtful of you.”
When a woman really sees and appreciates her man, it makes him feel the ultimate winner and he will do anything to keep her happy.
Another important relationship skill is to try and see the intention behind an action, and appreciate that.
I have a personal example for this. Years ago I was dating a guy and one night he called and asked if he could come over.
It was getting late and I was exhausted, but he said he’d be over in a half hour so I agreed.
An hour and half later he still hadn’t arrived and I was fuming! Where could he be? Why is he even bothering to come over this late? Why do I have to wait up for him when I just need sleep!
He finally showed up carrying something that smelled delicious.
I immediately went off on him for making me wait up for him and he sheepishly said, “I’m sorry, I wanted to surprise you and bring over a quesadilla from that place you love because I know you’ve been working so hard and barely have time to eat.” Even though I was starving and had been fiending for a quesadilla, my anger didn’t subside and the rest of the night was uncomfortable and tense.
The mistake I made was in looking at the action (him being late), rather than the intention (him wanting to do something nice to me happy).
I’m not saying I shouldn’t have been annoyed by his lateness, but the night probably would have gone a lot differently had I appreciated his good intentions…and then after I could have nicely mentioned that the next time there’s an hour-long line at the place he should just buy me a bag of chips and call it a day!
No one is perfect and no matter how great your relationship, there will be times when he isn’t doing something exactly the way you’d him to. You’ll get a lot further, and do a huge service to your relationship, if you focus on what he is doing right rather than on what he isn’t.
3. Give Him Space When He Needs It
Another major difference between men and woman is in the way they handle stress and difficulties.
While women typically seek out their friends and want to to talk about it, men would rather retreat into the proverbial man cave and deal with it on their own.
A woman might get upset when this happens and think he’s shutting her out, but it really has nothing to do with her, it’s just how he deals with things.
If your boyfriend seems stressed and begins to withdraw, just let him be. Don’t coddle him or offer unsolicited advice or get on his case about why he isn’t confiding in you. If he wants to talk about it with you, he will.
If he doesn’t and you continue to push him, you will just be another source of stress in his life that he needs to deal with and he’ll withdraw even further.
Men intuitively know that it isn’t easy for a woman to give him space when he needs it, and if you can do it without feeling angry or resentful towards him, you’ll be the woman who touches him more deeply than any other.
4. Maintain Your Own Life Outside of the Relationship
This tip isn’t just for his sake, it’s for your own. I swear sometimes I feel I should throw a goodbye party when a friend of mine gets a boyfriend because she’ll literally fall off the map! I know I won’t be seeing her at Sunday brunches or fun nights out.
She won’t want to come away with the girls for the weekend.
Getting face time with her will never be easy and eventually you give up and resign yourself to the fact that you’ll either see her again at her wedding, or if she becomes single again (in which case, she’ll be back in full force and down for anything!).
It’s not just my friends, women make this mistake all the time (myself included!).
They get into a relationship and the guy becomes the sole center of their universe. This is never healthy!
For one thing, it kind of puts your relationship in a holding pattern and creates a scenario where you can be dating for years and years without taking the next step. If a guy is getting all of you, all the time, there’s no reason for him to take that extra step, but this is a whole other discussion.
Another issue is your relationship can’t be your only source of happiness and fulfillment, you need to have a balanced life with several components filling you up in different areas.
If you throw all of that away for your guy, then you add a lot of pressure to the relationship and will never feel completely satisfied with what you’re getting from the relationship (mostly because no one can be your everything).
You may start to resent your partner and feel that he owes you more since you gave up so much for him, but that’s not fair because the sacrifices you made were your choice.
Another reason not maintaining your own life outside of the relationship is problematic is you may end up staying in a bad relationship for far longer than you should have because, well, you have nothing else to go back to anything.
Men typically fall in love with a woman in her absence, not her presence. If you’re always there he won’t experience that deepening of the bond.
To keep your relationship fresh and invigorating, it’s essential to have time apart to do your own things.
It gives you a break from the emotional intoxication of relationships so you can see things more objectively and it takes some pressure off the relationship so it can unfold more organically.
I know it’s tempting to hang out with him every time he asks, I know it’s flattering when a guy wants so much of your time, I know you may think it’s because he is just so crazy about you… and maybe he is, but giving in every single time is just not a good strategy. If he’s a decent guy, he’ll respect your boundaries and will encourage you to do your own thing on occasion.
5. Take Care of Yourself
Don’t stop working out, eating healthy, getting waxed, shaving your legs, blow-drying your hair, or any other healthy or beautifying activities that were a part of your life pre-relationship.
Yes, it’s easy to slide into a more laissez-faire approach when you’re in a relationship, but if you do that then it won’t be long before you’re searching up and down to retrieve the burning spark that once existed.
Look, you don’t need to be red carpet ready at all times, but you really should make an effort to try to maintain your appearance and look good for your guy. You put your best face forward during those first few months of dating and there’s no reason for it to stop once things are more established.
It will keep the passion and lust alive in your relationship and also, it feels really good to a man when a woman puts in effort to look good for him.
The funny thing I notice is women in relationships (again, myself included), will lounge around the house in sweats and a messy bun and no makeup when they’re home with their guy, but will put on a face-full of makeup and get decked out when going out, to impress strangers? The whole thing is so backwards. A guy friend once lamented to me that his girlfriend had put on about 15 pounds since they started dating and canceled her gym membership.
He told me he was still very much attracted to her, but he just couldn’t understand why she wasn’t taking care of herself anymore and that was more of a turn-off than the weight gain.
He felt she just didn’t care anymore and he felt stuck because there was no way to say something without her being offended and hurt.
He pleaded with me to spread the gospel and tell women that while his love isn’t only contingent on your physical appearance, it’s really important (and attractive) to continue taking care of yourself at the same level as when you first met… and so I have!
This is another tip that will enormously help your relationship, but also your life in general. Men cannot resist a woman with a smile.
In fact, every guy I know has said a positive attitude is the number one most attractive quality a woman can have.
Look, life isn’t always going to be rainbows and sunshine, sometimes the poop hits the fan, but your life will be a much better place overall if you can tackle it all with a smile and the conviction that it will all work out.
This kind of energy is infectious, it draws people toward you, and it makes you the kind of woman he wants to be with forever. Don’t use your guy as a sounding board or your relationship as an emotional dumping ground. When your guy comes home, greet him with a smile…and then vent if you had a rough day and need to let it out.
Try to see the good in all situations, both in your relationship and outside of it. The things that happen in our lives, for the most part, are neutral, what makes them good or bad is our perception and the thoughts we attach to that event.
Sabrina Alexis is a dating expert and the author of Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts.
This post originally appeared at A New Mode
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6 Reasons Men Say No To Sex
When it comes to sex, men are ready to go at any time, right? Well, not always, says 29-year-old P.J., an online producer from Toronto. “It’s rare that I don’t want to have sex, but the times I will say no are when I’m thinking about something intensely and I can’t pull myself it,” he explains.
Not even a surprise birthday visit from his girlfriend wearing lingerie could pique his interest one time when he was deep in thought. “I was feeling pensive and I didn’t want to be outside of myself. And with sex, you want to connect with somebody,” he says.
It may be difficult to imagine that a healthy heterosexual man would turn down a nearly naked woman. However, P.J. is far from alone in this situation, says Vancouver-based sex therapist David McKenzie. “In the last two years, I’ve noticed more clients of mine than before are men lacking sexual desire and it’s the women who are initiating sex,” he says.
If your partner is turning down your advances there’s probably a good explanation for his lack of interest-and it ly has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Here are some common reasons why men say no, and what you can do to get him back to saying, ‘Yes!’
1. He’s suffering from depression
“Clinical depression is one of the biggest killers of sex drive in men,” says McKenzie. Men of all ages, even teenagers, may experience much lower sex drive when they’re struggling with this mood disorder.
What you can do: “Remember that clinical depression is a physical illness and not a character weakness,” says McKenzie.
There are plenty of online resources available to help you and your partner better understand depression and how it can affect your relationship.
The key here is patience, especially during treatment-while antidepressants are very effective in treating depression, they can also contribute to low sexual interest. Your partner may want to speak to a doctor, however, if he notices that treatment is severely interfering with his sex drive.
2. His testosterone levels are low
“When a man gets to be over 40, his testosterone levels begin to decrease,” says McKenzie. “If this happens mildly over time, then a man will gradually lose his sexual prowess.
But sometimes males can lose testosterone very rapidly.
” This condition is sometimes referred to as andropause and comes with symptoms that include loss of energy, depressive symptoms and low sex drive.
What you can do: Low testosterone is a physical condition that can be treated by a physician. If you suspect your partner is experiencing some of the symptoms associated with andropause, suggest he ask his doctor for a testosterone test to determine if low levels are to blame for his lack of desire.
3. He’s got trouble with the plumbing
Though erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are common problems, says McKenzie, a man who experiences these difficulties may withdraw from his partner for fear that she’ll be disappointed or think that he’s less of a man.
“It’s hard on a man’s self esteem to not be able to perform in bed,” explains David, a 28-year-old musician from Toronto. “Growing up, guys always talk about being a player and being able to perform well sexually. It’s part of guy culture.”
What you can do: This can be a difficult subject to discuss with your partner, but don’t avoid the issue, says McKenzie. A problem left untreated could result in resentment between partners down the road.
Approach the situation very delicately, David advises. “Start by saying, ‘You know I love you no matter what,” he suggests.
“Don’t make a big deal it or make him feel it will affect your interest in him as a partner if he can’t make it happen.”
4. He’s stressed out about his career
Worrying about work can be a real mood killer for many men, especially if they tend to equate professional success with self-worth. “It’s the times when I feel I’m going nowhere and accomplishing nothing in my career that I will spiral into a negative place and I would say no to sex,” David explains.
What you can do: Discuss the situation away from the bedroom. “Right before bed isn’t always the best time to engage in a deep conversation,” says David.
Instead, mutually decide on a good time to chat about what’s going on in his life.
Ask if there’s anything you can do to support him through a stressful time, but be clear that his demanding job is taking a toll on your relationship.
5. He’s exhausted
Chances are, if your partner says he’s too tired for some late-night nookie, he’s really exhausted. “If I’m a little tired, I’m usually up for it,” says David. “But there are times when I’m just so dead to the world I’m physically incapable [of having sex].”
What you can do: Don’t take it personally. According to McKenzie, about 98 percent of the men he counsels would say that their lack of sexual interest has nothing to do with how they feel about their partners. P.J. concurs.
“It would be a turn-off if my partner were to make the issue about her, because then I would feel guilty on top of being exhausted,” he says. Rather than acting hurt or angry, set the stage for a conversation about what’s going on in his life to make him so tired.
But if the problem persists for more than six weeks, it’s time to consider getting help from a therapist or physician.
6. You’re moving too fast
If a new man you’re dating turns down an invitation to “come upstairs for a nightcap,” he could be trying to tell you that he’s not ready to sleep with you yet. “There’s a lot of emotional involvement that comes with having sex with somebody,” says P.J. “How do you get skin to skin with someone you don’t know?”
What you can do: Slow down-this could be a sign that the guy wants to get to know you better before getting physical. Take the declined invitation in stride and remember that. “We’re emotional beings too, and we want more than just sex,” says P.J.
Consider these other stories to boost your sex life:
Is Your Sex Life Normal?
The Secret To Having Orgasms
20 Things Every Woman Over 30 Should Know About Sex
Bellaisa. Isla Bella Beach Resort
I hope you find both — a relationship and great sex. In this book you will find things numerology, astrology, symbols, and meanings related to the cards.
They Get A Great Date Even When You Are Broke Anna also made a good point for all you broke guys out there. I do know that he enjoyed the process of being a flower – so there's that.
I didn't want to read a horror or paranormal book since I was staying in a place where I was already freaked out, so I read this book on vacation.
Thanks to over a mile of waterfront property and a brilliant design, every room and suite has a breathtaking ocean view and an expansive outdoor terrace to take it all in.
She believed everything from all of her clients, even if it contradicted what another client said. In other words, being healthier was definitely on my mind, so I wanted to delve into this book and start reading some insights from Louise on how to be healthier.
There are plenty of online courses to help you learn to cook and impress women. Then he makes fun of her cooking. A random rearrangement of the letters in your name anagram will give Alsebila.
And if you already have the basics down, there are many other classes that will teach you how to cook unique and interesting foods for women with unique and interesting tastes.
I love this book and the wisdom it holds, and I feel my life is forever changed because of it. And everyone to talk about food.
An Oasis of Contemporary Glamour A crisp palette of blue and white that connects you to the sea, playful prints, modern furniture, contemporary art, and luxury bathrooms welcome every guest.
I would recommend it for anyone looking for an easy read where a lot of thought doesn't need to be put in. But I see your point. And where book lover's can go to find ways to get free books. Waiting for you to discover.
. Covered private and secure parking in back. In addition, part of the appeal when talking about bad experiences is that you can make her laugh which is super important for attraction. I should have noted it.
If you both to eat, you can talk about your favorite foods, but if you both to cook, you can take those conversations to another level. In short, I didn't the book.
How do you pronounce that? I found it to be a bunch of hoo-ha that lacked credibility and didn't resonate with me at all.
So, when she can see that you can cook, and that you enjoy doing it, she knows her future with you is not a future where she has to start cooking at 4pm or else her husband is going to be upset and annoying.
E is for enduring, forever will your memory remain L is for lively, your life is full of energy! Private bathroom also comes with a shower.
The book is a little bit about past life stories and a lot about theories of how time works and how we can change our future, present, and even our past with this knowledge.
I know that sounds an exaggeration, but it's true! I found the cards help me to read a spread much better than before, and while there is not much to it other than a chapter on making spreads and a detailed description of each card, it is a must if you own the Angel Tarot Cards. Did not this book.
A beautiful sanctuary tucked away from the outside world. In short, every page was awesome. I've wanted to meditate forever! It sounds the author has a lot of fans, but I'm just not one of them. There is a book that comes with the cards, but it is no way as detailed as this.
In other words, being healthier was definitely on my mind, so I wanted to delve into this book and start reading some insights from Louise on how to be I read this book at a time in my life when someone I love got some very big health news.
I'm assuming he reincarnated into a flower,since the book was supposed to be about past lives, but I'm not sure. Psychologically, you were timid, constrained, and quiet.
Why Men Want Women To Cook For Them
Why Do Men Want Women To Cook For Them?
First a quick update:
“Revenge is destroying Christie Brinkley.”
Celebrity supermodel Christie Brinkley chose to go public about the sordid affair her husband Peter Cook had. Will Brinkley’s move harm her and her children as hatred, bitterness and revenge take over and consume her? Listen to the interview.
“Get the man you want!”
Why settle for second best or mediocrity? Get clear about the man you want and how you want to feel and be treated in a relationship, and, learn the secrets and techniques to getting the man and relationship you want and truly deserve!
Now let’s talk about the controversial topic of what men and women want and why men want women to cook for them
It’s often a hot topic of debate- what do men want?
What do women want?
Can we understand the other gender? Can we ever please them?
Of course, media and society generally enjoy portraying the woman as the more difficult of the two genders to comprehend and understand. There is no doubt that generally women have more depth than most men – in the sense that they have a far wider range of needs and desires than men who are often portrayed as simpletons.
Incidentally, some predominant feminine qualities include sensitivity, intuition, perception and nurturing. And studies of the human brain, women can actually successfully multi-task. Men just think they can. Sorry guys!
In my book, “What a woman wants” I use a joke to illustrate a point:
“There’s an old joke that compares men with women:
How to seduce a woman: compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her.
How to seduce a man: Show up naked. Bring food.”
While I am sure that you are probably laughing or maybe even cursing after reading the above, we all agree that there is much more that is required to bring joy, satisfaction and happiness to either a man or a woman than just the above list. In the context of a relationship, I teach in my book, “Get the man you want” that men desire four things from a woman:
1. For her to look good
2. Pay attention to him, and DO things with him
3. Regular and exciting sex
4. Treat him a king
Now before the ladies get mad with me, I am not saying that the above is right and appropriate, but rather, that is the way it is. For example, testosterone –the primary hormone in men promotes action, assertiveness, aggressiveness and competitiveness in men.
In women, the hormonal profile creates and promotes different responses and needs – for example, women respond to stress by tending and befriending. Right or wrong? That’s the way it is. In the same way that touch is so important to women and most women feel loved when hugged, held and caressed, men too, have different needs.
The reference to wanting to be treated a king is not about power, dominance or superiority. Rather it is about feeling significant, respected, appreciated and being granted the opportunity to lead.
So again, the question remains, “Why do men want women to cook for them?”
Is it because they simply want to be treated king?
Is it because they believe they are superior, and that cooking and the kitchen is only the domain of a woman?
Beyond some of the potential sexist responses by some men, the answer lies much deeper than that, and it may even shock you.
I would to answer that question with a story.
I recall it was during one of visits to my home in Australia in my late twenties when I was in the kitchen. My mom had cooked me a meal and let me know that it was ready. I sat down to eat, and for the first time I ever experienced the following, I consciously became aware of something truly significant. I noticed that I didn’t want to get up and get it for myself.
Until age 10, when she passed, my grandmother lived with us and was my primary caretaker. After she passed away, my brother and I would cook for ourselves. My mom was studying for her PhD during my early childhood & teen years and she arrived home very late. So it was rare for her to cook and my elder brother and I would cook our own meals at our father’s beckoning.
So while it had been a habit for me, for most of my childhood life, to cook for myself, this time as an adult, I wanted my mother to serve me the food that she had cooked.
I wondered to myself, “Why is this important to me?”
And then it hit me.
It was not about me wanting to be a king.
Rather, it was about me wanting to feel loved as well as believing that the food would actually taste better when served by my mother. I did not see this as a sexist or demeaning request or desire on my part, but rather, a simple desire to receive love and nurturing on this occasion.
For the ladies, it is critical to understand that men express love by “doing” and “giving” things – usually tangible things and therefore, to a man, it is also an expression of love when a woman serves a man and gives him something. Underneath all of the pseudo male macho superiority, men also seek nurturing from women and they find that to be expressed with food and receiving.
Having said all of the above, I also humbly teach that yes, men should share in the chores and not demand or expect that the woman carry all the burdens of the house, and yes, men should look for opportunities to serve the lady – be it with a home cooked meal, a lengthy massage and so forth. Remember, whenever we serve the other person, we also enjoy the rewards of fulfillment; that is the real meaning of “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” We all need to learn to give and receive!
If you are the woman who refuses or is resistant to cooking for your husband, boyfriend or partner, be open and honest with yourself; why are you resisting? What do you believe would be the consequences of cooking for him? Is the resistance a power struggle? Is the resistance about resentment? Are you trying to punish him? Do you simply not want to give to him?
If the relationship is not in balance and you are giving more than you are receiving, or he is ungrateful and demands that you cook and serve as an obligation or duty, or he treats you as his servant, then address that issue. Speak with him, resolve the matter and beware of toxic resentment.
Of course, cooking is only one of many forms of expressing love and each one of us, has different needs and ways of feeling loved. Generally, it is believed that there are 5 languages of love with cooking regarded as a sixth. Read my article “What do you need to feel loved?”
Finally, I do believe that cooking is an expression of love and nurturing and therefore it it cannot be limited to women: I thoroughly enjoy and receive a tremendous sense of satisfaction preparing, hosting and cooking large multi-course dinners for friends. And yes, I serve the food as well!
When you choose to express love – neither ego or gender stand in the way!
If you would personal help to overcome issues which are negatively affecting your life and relationships, book a one-on-one session with me.
If you would to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page at PatrickWanis.com. Add your comments below.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis PhDCelebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
15 Things Women Want From the Men in Their Lives
I’ve conducted a lot of research regarding women's friendships and the ways that people can most effectively maintain healthy connections over the long-term. In a recent study, however, we explored what women, from 18 to 75, need from the men in their lives.
Not surprisingly, the qualities women seek in heterosexual romantic partners, male friends, and men in general, are not all that different from what they seek in a friend. This makes sense: Any good relationship is built on some basic, down-to-earth qualities.
Specific to Romantic Partners
Women don’t need partners who invest all their energy in trying to prove how strong, manly, masculine, macho, or heroic they are. They just want men who are willing to meet them where they are and treat them fairly and equitably — and are able to make sure that the romantic spark keeps burning.
There’s no reliable assessment that can predict whether someone is going to be a good match for you or not; no dating-site algorithm can accurately predict the human heart.
Even when a potential partner brings all of the following qualities to a relationship, that's no guarantee that the two of you will have good “chemistry” or meet up at the right time for each of you to enter a new relationship.
However, recognizing what we know that we need from the important people in our lives increases our “relationship quotient” so that we can at least be aware of areas worthy of enrichment prior to establishing a new romantic connection.
The traits that women tend to value and need most from the men in their lives can be categorized in three discrete areas: moral integrity (from all men); relational sensitivity (from friends and partners); and satisfying intimacy (from romantic partners).
Traits of Moral Integrity
Mutual respect is an all-or-nothing proposition: Once a person loses respect for a partner, all bets are off. Women should be given the same respect that men offer other men.
When a person is made to feel disrespected or patronized, the relationship is ly to end sooner rather than later.
In terms of romantic relationships, even when you’re angry or disappointed by a partner, respect should be maintained.
- Open communication that occurs regularly and tactfully is essential. A healthy relationship flourishes when communication is clear.
- Honesty is another “make or break” trait: Don't give someone any reasons to doubt you.
- Trust and trustworthiness allow relationships to deepen.
- Taking responsibility for actions and behavior. Long-term healthy relationships require a high level of maturity. Without it, disagreements and conflict worsen as couples engage in the “blame game.” Communication fails and emotional damage can be done that cannot be easily repaired.
Traits of Relational Sensitivity
- Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion. Regardless of the type of relationship, men and women should be considerate of each other's feelings. Recognize that a partner’s trials and tribulations matter to her and that partners’ roles are to cherish and care for and about one another.
- Friendship between men and women is also desired. Being a friend to your partner means treating her in the patient, accepting manner in which you treat other close friends.
- Emotional maturity is essential. It’s okay to have some childish fun when it’s appropriate, but it’s important for women and men to behave grown-ups when it’s time to do so, too. Being aware that brute strength does not equal intelligence is also helpful in maintaining healthy communication and connection. Sometimes it’s better to sit back and think through problems before trying to manhandle your partner into a forced solution.
- Being supportive to the women in your life can do a world of good. Supporting your partner is a primary role. Whether your partner or a friend needs emotional or practical support, be there to assist in small and big ways. Whether it’s taking time to listen, or more active involvement in major decisions, child rearing, finances, etc., make your presence a positive and supportive one.
- and 6. Sensitivity coupled with validation of your partner's experiences are essential. The cultural experiences of adults vary greatly gender identity. Recognize your own biases in how you view other women and imagine how your partner might be negatively affected by a world that sees women as less than. Don’t assume she is making things up when she shares stories of prejudice, discrimination, or unfair treatment. Gender roles constrain behavior; playing a part in breaking down harmful gender roles at home and in the workplace benefits both men and women. Don’t make women jump a higher bar to prove themselves – women and men should be afforded the same rewards for the same investment. Gender shouldn’t be a disadvantage in a relationship or a work place.
Types of Satisfying Intimacy with Romantic Partners
- Bring adventure and excitement into the relationship, in safe and welcome ways. Challenge your partner’s perspectives and allow your own to be challenged as well. Open yourself up to new experiences and ways of thinking as you make it safe and inviting for your partner to do the same. Intellectual stimulation keeps relationships dynamic.
- Companionship and partnership go along with friendship and create the glue that keeps most long-term relationships moving forward. No one realizes how little energy they might have for sexual activities once kids arrive, or jobs demand longer hours, or illness or disability occur; there will be times when loyal companionship is what both of you need most from each other.
- Saying “I love you” may not be easy; these words can be highly charged. Sadly, some people believe that saying them makes them vulnerable and more ly to be hurt. Your partner, though, deserves to be made aware of your love. If saying those three words just isn’t going to happen, make sure you show your partner love in ways that matter most to her. We all need to feel loved.
- As for sex, women ask that men don’t make everything about sex – i.e., don’t do favors that you assume will result in sexual favors being done for you. Your good behavior should not be viewed simply as a means towards a particular end. Good sex can’t be bought, and by expecting sex as a payoff for doing something that pleases your partner, you turn a potentially romantic encounter into more of a business deal. Few and far between are the women who want to feel that they owe sex to a partner.
- Sexual activities that are geared to pleasing your partner, not just yourself, are what your partners need you to provide. Sex should be a fun adventure that allows partners to explore and expand their sexual connection, not just a repetition of the same old, same old. As one participant shared, “Men need to ditch the myth of female sexual purity once and for all: With the right partner, women enjoy sex every bit as much as a man.”
What Everyone Deserves
Women need the men in their lives to be feminist allies who want to see the women in their lives succeed every bit as much as they want to enjoy their own success.
Men should take time to recognize and acknowledge a woman's strengths and respect her for all that she brings to their relationship.
And when it comes to romantic connection, women want the same things men want; they might just want them in a different order.